Things that Go Bonk on the Road

The word "bonk" has a popular meaning among US cyclists: To experience a sudden loss of energy, usually caused by glycogen depletion in the muscles and a drop in blood sugar. If you ride too long or far without consuming calories, you "bonk." In England, "bonk" is slang for something decidedly different, so I just want to be clear from the get-go what my meaning is. A few days ago, unexpected schedule changes had me cycling to the Oakland Airport to fly with one student, then to the Hayward Airport to teach a second student, then back to Oakland for my last student of the day. With about 35 miles (56 km) of cycling already under my belt, I decided (somewhat impulsively) to cycle another 16 miles (26 km) home. What the heck!

Spinning steadily into a brisk headwind, I made my way through Alameda when it happened: Somewhere around Embarcadero and Dennison (the road that leads to Coast Guard Island) I bonked. Running out of steam this way is awful. Your legs feel like lead, your courage is sapped, uncontrollable thoughts of strawberry milkshakes and pizza begin dancing through your head, and you quickly realize you gotta get something in your stomach. I pulled to the side of the road and began riffling through my bag for a Cliff Bar. Oh no! It couldn't be! I'd consumed my last Cliff Bar on the earlier ride from Hayward to Oakland. My inner toddler was about to start caterwauling when my inner adult jumped in: "Get yourself together, man! There's a Starbucks about a mile away. You can get something to eat there. Quit belly-aching and get moving!" Then my inner adult whispered, so my inner toddler couldn't hear, "It's late, the sun is almost gone, and Starbucks may already be closed ..."

The lights were on, but my first disappointing clue was chairs stacked on the tables. The woman mopping the floor saw my flashing headlight, and smiled, shook her head, and mouthed the words "sorry." She was certainly more sociable than the young man at Quiznos who wouldn't even look up and acknowledge my presence. With scones and potato chips out of the frame, it was time to consider the options.

I could complete the remaining twelve miles home, but it would be slow going. There were numerous liquor stores in West Oakland, but it was hard to imagine how I could manage that transaction. I didn't have a bike lock and the spectacle of a sweating, 50-something white guy staggering through the aisles with bike was just too weird. Wait, there's that coffee place at Broadway and 4th. A mile and a half later, I lean my bike against the large glass window and stagger through the doors of the Urban Blend Cafe. The primitive segments of my brain are in high gear: I'm a hummingbird and I smell sugar. I see a glass jar filled with Cliff Bars and soon I'm chewing on a chocolate chip morsel and drinking cool water.

A mere four or five minutes later and I'm back in the saddle, rumbling northwest on the broken and uneven pavement of 4th Street. Now I recall why I usually avoid this route. A few blocks later, my head is clearer and my energy seems to be returning. I marvel at the human digestive system, but I keep the riding pace slow. Soon I'm whistling down San Pablo Avenue, seven miles 'til I reach home, the disappointment and fatigue a faded memory. So much so that when a young black man on a fixie blasts past me near Ashby Avenue, I shift up and briefly come out of the saddle until I'm right on his back wheel. Rejuvenated, my inner demon exclaims "Let's show him how the old farts ride!"

Jowl Candy and TTCBCOAB #31

The late Douglas Adams lamented there are "things that there should be words for, but aren't," which led him to write The Meaning of Liff, a sort of dictionary of new words like:

ABILENE (adj.)
Descriptive of the pleasing coolness on the reverse side of the pillow.

And there is the follow-on book, The Deeper Meaning of Liff. So it was that, while having a quiet, interspecies moment with my basenji Rio, I decided there needed to be, if not a completely new word, at least a descriptive phrase for the soft folds of skin beneath his jaw. Not jowl. Something more evocative. Why jowl candy, of course! Perhaps someone will eventually come up with a new word, an onomatopoeic concoction, but for now jowl candy will do.

After a pleasant ride to Costco and back, here's are some more things that can be carried on a bicycle (TTCBCOAB): Jug of laundry detergent, bag of microfiber towels, two cases of Cliff bars, a package of sunscreen, a package of shaving razors, and a bundle of paper towels.

TTCBCOAB #28 - Costco Run

On my way to Costco I run into my former student and friend, Todd. After explaining the mission, he elects to come along on his mountain bike. Off we go and he leaves me in a cloud of dust. With a bit of huffing and puffing, my cargo bike (aka the Blue Ox) is eventually coaxed into keeping up with him. After all, my cargo bike is empty at the moment and one's fragile, male ego must be protected!

A quick trip through the various aisles and all the necessary stuff has been collected (in no particular order) - box of Cliff Bars, jug of dishwashing detergent, two boxes of 8.5x11 printer paper, mouthwash, two bottles of maple syrup, and a post-apocalyptic supply of toilet paper. Loading up the Mundo, two dudes walk by: "F-ing awesome, man! You kick ass!" Indeed, but I'm more worried about the effects of gravity kicking my ass when I must climb Solano Avenue.

The ride home is a bit slower than the trip out, but there is a tailwind. Thanks to Todd for the fancy iPhone video work!

TTCBCOAB #20

Things That Can Be Carried On A Bicycle: Two sets of slightly used mountain bike tires, two used bottom brackets, a crankset, a seat post, the old saddle that came with my used Mundo Yuba, and some assorted bike hardware. A quick trip down to Street Level Cycles/Waterside Workshops (at Berkeley's Aquatic Park) and all of this was donated (tax-deductible, no less!) and should be put to good use.

Methinks Mencken Got it Right

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary."

H.L. Mencken

The problem with traffic signals

Try this experiment the next time you stop for a red light: Take note of the cars around you and you'll see that after 15 to 20 seconds, most drivers start looking for something to do to alleviate the boredom. Popular diversions include eating, reading, texting, making phone calls, adjusting makeup and hair, or rummaging through a purse, briefcase, backpack or glovebox. And when the light turns green, it's always the lead driver who's the last to realize. Bicycle or drive on the streets of most any US city and you'll find yourself waiting at a poorly timed traffic light, marveling that there's little or no crossing traffic. Bicyclists may take matters into their own hands and simply dart across the intersection. Car drivers can be equally creative. And the situation is no better at four-way stops because these days anyone who actually obeys a stop sign and adheres to right-of-way is a sucker. Americans may talk a lot about law-and-order, but it seems we 1) don't like being told what to do, 2) are overworked and in a hurry, 3) are distracted by the myriad of activities that we try to squeeze in while driving, and 4) we'll break most any law if we think we won't get caught. Rather than wasting millions of gallons of fuel with our engines idling at red lights, condoning distracted and illegal driving, and treating four-way stops as a game of chicken where he who doesn't stop, stops best, more US cities need to embrace the traffic circle.

A common objection to traffic circles is that they can be intimating, but you just need to remember a few simple rules:  Put down your smart phone, batten down the lattes, and pay attention. When approaching the entrance to a circle, yield to traffic already in the circle. Wait for a gap. Yield to pedestrians in crosswalks. Be alert for bicyclists.

Many traffic circles already exist in US cities, though the entrances are often festooned with stop signs. What traffic engineers have done to our streets! If you haven't the eyesight, reaction time, and moxie to handle a traffic circle then you may want to consider hanging up your guns, giving up driving, and take the bus or a taxi instead.